“I recall I was six when it first happened, and then it happened again and kept happening. I was powerless; my predator made me feel powerless and weak. He made me believe I couldn’t help myself, and even if I reported him to anyone, he brought out a knife and demonstrated how he would kill me. He asked if I wanted to die and have wild animals eat my body.
Just the imagination of the things he said to the little me sends shivers down my spine, as he demonstrated and acted everything out to me as if we were actors on stage. But the reality of the rape was enacted on my frail little body that was still budding.
Maybe it was my tiny, sprouted breasts that made him latch onto me like loot—so I blamed myself. I also hated the fact that I was developing too fast. I felt the problem was me, and I took the blame and acted like a lamb being brutally slaughtered.
I was not just being raped from six years of age, I was destroyed, shattered and broken. And the worst trauma was that I was raped the first day my mum died, “will I ever heal from this torture”?
After the doctor had announced to me and my grandma that my mum had died; my grandma started rolling on the floor crying, few minutes later, like her senses just reminded her to call her other children and announce to them the sad news, then she looked at me.
I grew up faster than I should, circumstances I was born into stole my childhood, I learnt everything very fast than the children in my age bracket. So, immediately my mum died I knew I had to be strong for my grandma, I don’t need to throw myself on the floor crying as she did, I held her even at six, it was as if my eyes were empty from tears yet I never cried; I collected my grandma’s phone and gradually dialed the numbers of all her six children, with teary eyes and wailing mouth she broke the sad news to them one after the other.
So, my mum’s immediate younger sister was the first to arrive, after consoling my grandma, she called one of grandma’s siblings to come take her home, after then she took me to her house to stay with her children and dashed out immediately to take the remains of my mum to mortuary.
I recalled; she left me with her two children, I was a year older than her first child. I just sat alone, wondering the meaning of death, where has my mother gone to, will she return years later, can she see me, how was I supposed to live without her, then tears welled from my eyes;
My uncle’s voice snapped me out from my thought as his children ran to him, greeted and embraced him. I just sat still; held tight the teddy my cousins gave me perhaps to suck up my pains.
I recalled immediately he glanced at me, he shouted at me to stand up, called me a witch and commanded me to go to his room and kneel down that I need to be disciplined. I walked slowly to his room and knelt down, right there I knew I had started the sorrowful journey of a motherless child, just like I saw a motherless girl in my neighborhood went through hell.
I had knelt for about five minutes before he walked in and pet me to stop crying and brought me closer to his chest, he was sipping a glass of wine he brought from the sitting room, he sat on the bed and put the tiny me in between his legs and tried forcing the glass of wine into my mouth, though I struggled to push the cup away because the smell of the content was just too harsh, I knew it was bad for my age, as it’s an alcoholic drink he wanted a six years old child to gulp into her throat.
But his strong grip on me made it impossible for me not to drink, the force at which he pushed the cup to my lips while he held firm my head to ensure the drink entered my mouth, moreover I gulped more than normal, the alcohol burnt my throat.
Few minutes later I started feeling tipsy, he removed everything that covered my nakedness and lay me on the bed, I recall he also undressed himself and lay on the bed and then started whispering to my ears what to do to his body and he played with my body, and that was all I could recall, I guess I slept off at that point.
I woke up at night, hungry, weak and felt pains all over my body, I stood up and went to urinate, I groaned with much pains and I saw blood stains all over my panties, I was more than shocked, but what do I know, I wore it back and went back to the room.
As I walked back to the children’s room where I saw myself before, I was startled to see him seated and waiting for me, he asked how I was feeling and then threatened me that if I ever tell anyone about what happened that he would kill me, I watched as he made count with his fingers, the number of people he would kill, starting from my grandmother, and mentioned the names of all my aunties too, then, it felt he would really do it, I felt he could do anything he said he would.
I recall the rape and abuse continued as I lived under his roof which was throughout my primary school, and no one noticed because he was so perfect in his scheme. It got to a point I knew he was doing me harms so I started struggling with him and he would beat me, my aunty is mostly busy and not at home, for each time I tried to resist his hands on my body, he would beat hell out of me and lie do my aunty that he was disciplining me.
I recalled I was often quiet, bitter, angry, alone and at a point, I attempted suicide yet I didn’t die. From the very day I insisted I was going to tell my aunty, his wife, he said she won’t believe me and also, he would say I was the one trying to seduce him, so I kept it all to myself, not knowing I was injuring myself more by not speaking out. After my common entrance examination, I knew I can’t continue living under the same roof with him.
So, I told my aunty I wanted to go visit my grandma, she accepted, truth be told my aunty treated me right, but my uncle destroyed my innocence. Few months later, I travelled to my grandma and refused to return back to my aunt’s house, after several pleas, I refused without opening up all that happened to me in my aunt’s house, but I hated the opposite sex.
Few years later, I had become a lawyer and was practicing. I was in my office one day, when my aunty walked in crying, helpless and told me to help her. My aunty use to be a very strong woman, I never saw her tears, or maybe she bottled it.
She told me my uncle has been arrested, and accused of rape. I froze, then just like a flash, everything displayed right before me; the day I lost my mum but couldn’t weep in peace, because my uncle gave me another torture, that pierced through my heart and I have not been healed till date.
Suitors came in their tens to ask for my hand in marriage yet I see no reason to accept anyone, moreover, I had never been in any form of sextual relationship, ever in my life. The only fulfilment I had was being a criminal lawyer and stood against any form of injustice.
Tears dropped in my eyes right in front of my aunty who was explaining to me how her, sixty- five years old husband was accused of raping their eight-year-old neighbour. I was still lost in thought, then suddenly my aunty shouted my name, VALARIE.
In her desperation she didn’t ask me why I was crying or she didn’t notice, I can’t say, or maybe she knew but decided not to ask.
My aunty begged me to be her husband’s lawyer, she said I should defend him with my last drop of blood, because she believes he is innocent. I told her that I would get another lawyer and help her to pay all the bills.
But because of how good I have won lot of criminal cases, my aunty turned down my plea to hand over the case to someone else, she said she trusted my judgement and defense, that no lawyer will be as good as me.
I tried turning her down subtly, she wouldn’t bulge. My aunty who had really been part of my education especially because of how close she was with my late mother; they were more than siblings. My late mother was her confidant, so she loved me and was very present in my growing-up so, I couldn’t break her heart revealing the sad truth, the very reason I don’t want to be her husband’s lawyer.
I went to see my client, my uncle, for the first time after the whole long years of rape. As he came out to speak with me as his lawyer,
I asked him just one question; “did you actually rape the little girl old enough to be your granddaughter?”
He heaved, and looked down, I felt he was remorseful, perhaps he would apologize to me for all the things he did to me,
“So, you have grown too big to greet, is not your fault actually, well my wife said you will be defending me” he kept quiet
“Well, yes, I have grown out of your torture and captivity. So, tell me everything that transpired between you and that little girl that day and I don’t want you to lie to me”
“Madam, if you can’t go ahead and prepare a case of defense on accusation of rape, I don’t know what else you want from me, or were you not properly thought how to prepare a defense case? Why are we seeing your name all over the media space of cases won? Pease do the needful and don’t task my brain on your job.
Just that reply I knew right there I was still hurting, haven’t healed from the trauma, everything that transpired came flashing again and messed with my emotions, I dashed out of the room in a hurry and with hanger, I went to my office to cool off.
I cried, for almost an hour, I was still crying, will I ever heal? I have gone for counselling thrice, yet I still hurt.
Few months later. The court was seated for hearing, all media was interested on the case especially because I was the accused lawyer, everyone wants to see how I would make this happen again, on record, thirty cases and I haven’t lost anyone.
The judge came in and all rise, C-O-U-R-T, bible was given to swear;
Then we began…
The defendant lawyer, called out my client and asked him some questions, and also asked the little girl, her client few questions, he took permission and presented his evidences, especially medical report, I still didn’t object. I watched him present all his evidences, I was present yet absent, the court was on but I was in my six years old trauma, groaning in pain, and every detail the young girl said proved beyond reasonable doubt, it wasn’t an accusation and that was all I needed.
Everywhere was silent, calm, waiting for my defense, all eyes were on me. My head bowed and tears filled my eyes. The chief judge hit the gravel and I came back to the court, at ones I looked at her with tears filled face.
The chief-judge, Mrs Bamidire, used to be my lecturer back then in the university, and she had presided lots of cases I have handled, so she knew me too well, but this time she also understood that this wasn’t the usual me.
So, I stood up, and begged her indulgence;
“This man, my defendant is someone I have known from when I was six-years-old, infact, he is my uncle, my late mother’s senior sister’s husband. The very day my mum died, my aunt, his wife, brought me to live with them, and from that very day my mum died till I finished my primary school at the age of nine, this man raped me, he destroyed my innocence, I had bruises all over my privates because he raped me mercilessly, he would beat me each time I refused to surrender my body for his abuse, he fed me with alcohol.
And ever since then I have lived in bitterness and agony, my heart has not known justice even though I help people gain it, my soul has been restless, this man has damaged my life emotionally and otherwise,
My Lord, this man standing here is toxic to humanity. He is a pedophile, and the life of this little girl and some of other little girls out there is in danger if this man is granted freedom”
I spoke with a very deep emotion laden voice, infact I held myself from crying while speaking, so everyone in the court would hear me clearly. My aunty screamed out very loud as she couldn’t bear everything I said, so immediately, the judge gave a recession.
Immediately, the chief judge called me to her office while I narrated all my ordeal, she felt really pity and assured me that my soul would get the verdict it longed for.
The judge sentenced him to life imprisonment.
Rape is not only a sin against God, it is a grave violation against humanity itself. It steals the deepest joy from a soul and leaves behind wounds and trauma that may never fully heal. Remember this: power is fleeting. Today you may feel strong, but tomorrow you could be powerless. The victim could be your child, your sister, your brother, or someone you hold dear.
Do not plant seeds of pain you would never wish to harvest. Stay away from rape, no matter how much privilege or power life has given you. Do not betray the trust of those who are vulnerable. Do not fail that powerless soul. Never take advantage of the person under your care.
Choose humanity. Choose compassion. Choose to protect, not destroy.